A Quest For Purity
(By Isaiah StetskI)
Unblemished—that was my perception of myself, at least up until that moment. I was proud that I hadn’t ever seen pornographic images, not fully anyway. But now that self-image was shattered. I had done what I never thought I’d do: in the late-night hours in the dark basement of my parents’ good home, I had allowed my sexual desires a free pass for lust and used the old computer to that end. While sitting and looking with eyes open, I trembled inside from the war within. I knew this was wrong. And I knew that I was curious and craved this incredibly attractive thing of sexual intimacy.
Looking back on this later, those two points pretty much sum up all I knew at that time regarding what I thought sexuality was: it was sinful, and I wanted it. I did not realize the amazing thing God had created, the beauty of it, how we are to believe and trust Him with it, and that He designed it to be good. Now, I am incredibly thankful for what the Lord has taught me on this over the years of my life. At the age of twenty-six, I am unmarried and desire to please the Lord in being pure, and have much more to learn. My quest for purity has not been a glowing walk of triumph, but it has been the up-and-down journey of real sanctification. I have had many failures, and, praise God, increasing successes. I mourn where I have failed, and I look forward to the victory Christ and I will yet win. Purity is His idea, and it is my goal in this article to testify to you brothers that I have seen Christ pick me up when I have fallen and give me hope that winning is possible. I was losing faith, but He remained faithful. It’s not that I finally think I can do it and be strong enough: it’s that my eyes are slowly being opened to just who it is who is fighting this war with me.
Envision it like this:
I wander into the lush, green field of sexuality in the warzone of life, pretty well oblivious to the battle around me. I hear some faint shots and shouts, but keep plodding on, very curious about this field. Suddenly, a bullet tears through my leg, and I scream in pain and shock as I fall into one of the ditches in the middle of the field. As I hit the bottom, the air around me explodes with noises I could not hear before —sounds of war. Shots ring out. Explosions are near and far. As I look up from the dirt, the shock continues as I am suddenly awakened to the fact that I am in a trench. I look down and see that I am holding a gun and wearing a uniform, but I am totally at a loss of what to do. I don’t even know what to call the equipment. Other men run through the trench, or are injured or lying against the side of the trench like me, all very awake to the war and similarly stunned. We rally together and try to return fire, for we all know instinctively that the Commander has told us to fight. We make a few gains. Then heavy casualties. The battle seems hopeless as we observe the strength of the enemy and their lethal weapons. We try again, with similar results, always learning more about the battle but not able to win. My strength of heart starts to fail as the allure of the enemy’s side tempts me: it looks so much easier, and even fun and satisfying over there. And they readily accept anyone who comes to their side. I know I must fight for the Commander, but how can I stand it? I take some more wounds as other failures pass behind me, and I fall to the ground again in pain…and nearly in defeat. Then, slowly, out of the fog of my imperception, an image starts to grow clearer. There’s a man with me. The Commander! Has he always been here? He smiles at me, father to son, as his image clears and I start to see the grandeur of this man as he really is. We grasp forearms, and he pulls me to my feet to fight beside him. My wounds begin to heal as I behold him, and I stand amazed by his power and strength. Nothing, not even the most alluring temptation, can stand in this mighty warrior’s way. As I look around, I start to see this field with new eyes: I see what my Commander is fighting for, and it makes the enemy’s offer pale in comparison. I look to the regal form of my Commander again, and smile with confidence and satisfaction. I lift my rifle and take aim at the enemy’s forces. I am a warrior who belongs to my Commander; and, since he is the victor, we cannot lose.
The earlier episode of failure in my parents’ basement happened when I was 18. I reasoned that, since I had already broken the image, why not continue? So, I did the same thing the next night. But something happened at the end of that second night that I am glad about—I finally stopped what I was doing because I found it disgusting. The whole thing was gross, and I was repulsed by it. And it did not satisfy in the least. Sin never does. It might have been a bit fun, sure; but it left me feeling worse than I felt beforehand.
I plunged into discouragement, despair, and depression. How would I ever get married after that failure? Marriage was (and still is) a deep desire of mine. Did I disqualify myself? How had I yielded and done this? To be honest, I didn’t much want to live after that. I had entered the warzone fairly unprepared, and proud of my success, which then led to a fall. By God’s grace, I now know Christ died for things just like this, and I am unblemished in Him. Such is how deep His work goes.
Looking back, I recognize the pattern: it begins with a thought that leads to desire, then action. In broad strokes, lustful thoughts began around ages 10–12, masturbation followed around 14–16, and as sexual capacity increased, those patterns carried me to that basement episode at 18. This is a long-term playout, but usually it happened in the thought-desire-action pattern within a single day. And in case you think I don’t really struggle and only had that one large instance of failure over those two days, that is not the case. I am very thankful to say pornography hasn’t been a regular struggle for me, but there have been instances over the last eight years where I have not kept my eyes from images like those, and I deeply regret them. As well, masturbation has been a very common struggle, and lustful thoughts are always lurking. I am no better than any other man. I even used Christian books that talked about other men’s struggles to satisfy my lust as I read their explicitly detailed confessions. Knowing specifically how other guys struggled was not helpful, so I am intentionally sparing details of my own failings so I don’t defile the minds and imaginations of my brothers. The point is that I am a man who has sinned, but I am also a man who belongs to God, and I see that truth more clearly.
As I grew up, I didn’t really know what I was getting into in the area of sexuality. I was not well prepared. I don’t fault anyone for that, but I think this was a reason things took the trajectory they did. If the Lord allows me to marry and have children, I plan to build upon the victories of my father and grandfather and teach my children at an early age.
One thing that made sexual sin so tantalizing from childhood was that most teaching I received on it (and remembered) was largely negative. When you are told you can’t have something, the sin nature always wants it more. I was torn between wanting to do what God says and yet having an obvious and incredibly strong desire for that which I could not have. It was never really in words in my thoughts; but, subconsciously, I believe I was confused at a God who would say I could never have what I really wanted even though (as I later learned) He actually made me to want it. It was something to avoid, and almost never talk about. To me, sex was synonomous with the word ‘sin.’ I didn’t realize how good and beautiful God’s creation of sexuality was. But I deeply wanted this thing that was supposedly wrong, and that was confusing for a long time. But the scale is beginning to tip toward the positive when I think of sexuality.
Over the last few years, I have been encouraged to pursue purity as I realize this truth: God designed sexuality, and the expression of it, particularly in marriage, to represent the deepest of His truths—the relationship between Christ and His church. Sin has corrupted God’s good creation, and now, as His sons, we must fight for the truth. We are enlisted in this battle, whether we like it or not.
I have had more victory in this area of my life due in large part to the wisdom in the book “Fight Like a Man: A Bold, Biblical Battle Plan for Personal Purity” by godly brother Emeal Zwayne. Please get the book. It is so helpful. What I have read has been instrumental in opening my eyes to the battlefield.
I want to give you three things that motivate me to choose the right thing when I am tempted.
First, see women as people, not objects. They are equal before God and worthy of honor. Protect their dignity, and guard your thoughts. One day, God may lead you to marry, then you can enjoy the gift of sex; and it will be good. On top of seeing women rightly, realize that the majority of people pictured in pornography aren’t there willingly. That smiling woman is trapped and is being killed inside. Please don’t participate in preying upon their precious lives.
Second, start to realize more of who you are, who God is, and what God is really about. When I am tempted to be discontent with the fact that I’m single and have never had sex, when I doubt that God knows best, and when I think that I deserve to have what I think I need, I try to remember He is God; I am not. I don’t get to decide what’s best for me, and I don’t deserve anything other than the punishment that He doesn’t give me. I should turn my focus away from what I’m not allowed to have right now and be thankful for what He has abundantly and richly blessed me with. He truly does know best, and lovingly has my true good in mind. His way is going to look different from what I had thought, and there will be pain and suffering as we resist sin, but “our light affliction…is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Even if I never have sex, whatever God has planned for the next life will far outweigh any joy I might “miss out on” here. I can be content with what He has given, and where I’m at, and trust that He is truly a good father.
Finally, what has helped me the most recently has been having my eyes opened more to what Christ has done on my behalf. Every instance of temptation for me always has this one moment when I choose. It’s either ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ and the fallout is from that decision. The biggest realization that has helped me to make the right decision more often than not has been this: as His son, God has given me everything I need to be pure. Like actually. For real. The Spirit of the living Christ dwells in my very being. If I choose to operate in Him, the enemy of my soul and my sinful flesh can’t hold a candle to God’s power. He’s able. My strength must be exercised to choose His strength. Then it works. The biggest connection in my soul has been made when I realize what is available to me and when I believe that God actually wants purity for me. It’s actually possible. He’s won the war, and I must walk in the reality of what He’s done and who He’s made me to be. Now that I’ve seen it work, my hope is renewed. When sexual passion rises with a burning flame, I have His strength to stand, endure, and persevere, even if there is no end in sight. Don’t dwell on the fire: dwell on HIM, and look to the big picture. The Commander of your soul is building a Kingdom, and He will reign. Your fleshly desires and the enemy of your soul will do all they can to distract you from this truth. DON’T LET THEM. Our struggles look small when we compare them to God’s design and plan for the world, and they then become much easier to conquer.
God has given us so much in Christ. Let us use it all. In addition to His Spirit in you, there are others in the trenches with you, also in the fight. Let’s encourage each other, keep each other accountable, and walk well. I personally have a number of good brothers in my life, and they have proved to be invaluable fellow warriors whom I can trust. Also, do not forget to train: be in the Word, and be in prayer. I know I must press into this more myself. The enemy knows we become weak and vulnerable if we are alone and not eating and drinking of the One Who is our life. Let’s pursue God together. Purity is just one battle of the Christian life that God calls us to, and there are many other fields where we will need to pursue the Lord and fight together. Let’s do it well.
Not too long ago, I had started to think failing with purity would be a regular occurance the rest of my life, and I was settling into that discouraging mindset and accepting all of it as normal. But, in Christ, purity is possible. Sin will always still be there, to be sure, and failure will more than likely happen; but the trajectory can be upward. “A righteous man [which God has made me] may fall seven times, and rise again” (Proverbs 24:16). Just don’t stop getting up, brother. And don’t think that you must always keep falling regularly. I was using the fact that I could get up as an excuse to fall and release my passion. But God wants soldiers—disciplined, faithful, and strong. And He is able to make you that as you seek Him. His cleansing and renewing and building is so complete, that He will make us men—men who bring Him glory by being, as much as possible now, and completely later—UNBLEMISHED.
Isaiah Stetski grew up in Winnipeg, MB and was homeschooled through his entire school years. He obtained his private pilot’s licence several years ago and has progressed to flying float planes in northern Manitoba and Saskatchewan. In the winter of 2025-26 Isaiah spent his off-season time receiving further training in airplane mechanics. In his spare time he enjoys reading, playing hockey, and having meaningful fellowship with other believers.
