False Escape True Hope - How Christ Met Me at the End of Myself
(By Ben Rempel)
My story is truly a testimony to the Lord’s grace and providential working in my life. I have been the recipient of the Lord’s unfathomable mercy and I am praying that you will be encouraged and edified as you read how the Lord rescued me from much hurt and deception and gave me saving knowledge of Him. All glory goes to the Lord.
I was born in 1990 in Winnipeg, MB, and I am the youngest of three sons. Fairly early in my life I was told that I was more or less an accident. I heard at a young age that my family had wanted a golden retriever but, instead, they got me. These were not quite the loving words that a young boy longs to hear. My family did occasionally attend church meetings and my parents professed some belief in the Lord but I saw very little of the reality of the Lord demonstrated in our family life. The churches we attended leaned heavily in the direction of health, wealth, and prosperity ‘gospel’ teachings. I recall being offered very little in Scriptural depth. At around five years of age I was baptized. Sadly, there was no Godly motivation in my desire for baptism. Rather I was fairly enamoured with the hot tub that the church used for baptisms. Someone told me that the only way to get into the hot tub was if I were to be baptized. So I asked to be baptized. Looking back, I can only groan at my manipulative flesh and the lack of spiritual discernment on behalf of that church leadership team. On top of all this my maternal grandparents were heavily involved with the free masons. This led to further confusion in my early spiritual walk as my grandparents would pressure me to join their masonic group. I was aware that curses were likely being placed on me by this group and I believe that this affected my physical health at a young age. I was told that I suffered from Crohn’s disease as I became frequently sick eating certain foods and my digestive system seemed to be a mess. I believe that my infirmities in this area were likely due to the curses and ‘prayers’ that my masonic grandparents prayed over me. Thankfully I suffer none of those ill effects today.
As a young boy I lacked parental oversight and protection. I felt unloved. As a young man I never heard my dad say that he was proud of me. This aimlessness and rejection propelled me to pursue acceptance from unhealthy friendships and whatever else my flesh desired. At a very young age I was exposed to pornography at a friend’s house and subsequently participated in immoral activities over the years that I now greatly regret. But perhaps my greatest escape was via the entertainment realm. I loved watching movies and playing games. I eventually became addicted to a variety of video games. I would play them, usually by myself, for hours at a time. I felt a sense of belonging and accomplishment when I could beat the game or others online. Around this time, at the age of 17, my parents divorced. The minimal family life and daily structure that we did have was now completely gone.
I finished high school but I had no career drive or direction. I simply delved further into the entertainment realm and gaming. I also began abusing alcohol and marijuana. All of these addictions opened me up to the oppressive demonic realm. Although my addictions provided momentary solace they all left me with heightened despair afterwards. I supported myself with odd jobs but they mostly were part-time with low pay, often in the food and retail industry.
In my early twenties, my girlfriend at the time convinced me to attend a rural Christian college. I knew how to live a fake Christian life on campus and so to keep her happy I enrolled. Despite staying on different floors of the dorm we privately continued with our immoral relationship. I essentially failed every course that I took during this time. I was distracted with my girlfriend, gaming, and pornography. All of this while attending a ‘Christian college.’ Unsurprisingly, my girlfriend eventually dumped me and the black hole of despair only further deepened.
Life went on and I still lived for personal satisfaction. I used my occasional church attendance to further fuel my selfish aims—pleasing myself. I contemplated becoming a short-term missionary to South Korea but my motivation was not to spread the gospel. I liked Korean food, I wanted to travel, and I thought Korean girls looked cute. I was an unsaved young man with a little head knowledge of Christ.
My Korean ‘missions’ plans didn’t pan out and I just continued to live for daily satisfaction. Around 2019 I eventually took a job at a prestigious hotel in Winnipeg. I was making more money than I ever had before even though it wasn’t a high income in the big picture. Then in 2020 Covid happened and the hotel industry completely shut down. The little workplace success I was experiencing became nothing almost overnight. I was laid off and went on Covid employment insurance support payments. Sitting in my little one bedroom apartment in Winnipeg’s north end my hopelessness became profound and overwhelming. Pornography, food, substances, and entertainment couldn’t even bring momentary relief. I was very depressed and felt ready to die. And then, by the Lord’s mercy, in the midst of this darkness I came to the distinct realization that Who I really needed was Jesus. Up until this point I had only used Christian meetings and shallow relationships to further my manipulative purposes. But something had now changed. I had come to my end. I decided to attend a Bible study that a friend was overseeing. Simultaneously I began reading the Bible for long periods of time. Through my reading of Scripture I began to see who Jesus truly was. It was around this time that I experienced a profound regret for my sinful and selfish life. My repentance was genuine and my faith in Jesus was, for the first time, real. I really began to grow. Unfortunately, the small group I was attending was heavily focused upon the prosperity gospel and following certain teachers who were in it for the ‘show.’ With my new understanding of Scripture I felt like I could no longer attend the small group with a clear conscience.
Despite this temporary setback in fellowship I knew that the Lord had believers somewhere for me to fellowship with. To my great relief I very soon found a Bible believing church within walking distance of my apartment. Almost immediately I formed meaningful relationships with a number of the men as we collectively focused on the Word and living it out together. During this time I also met a wonderful Christian woman named Sarah. From the beginning I told her that I only wanted to pursue a relationship if our intent was to consider marriage. I was completely finished with my old approach to relationships with women. Sarah completely agreed. After about a year and a half of getting to know each other we were married in 2024. Our first child, a son, was born in the spring of 2025. It has been a whirlwind sequence of events these past several years. I have been given a genuine and personal relationship with my Saviour, Jesus Christ. He has blessed me with a Godly wife and a precious baby boy. I still spend time in the Word and thoroughly enjoy its transforming power. The Lord has been graciously renovating my old thought processes and has been giving me a new mind. This is exactly what He promises for every believer who pursues Him. Romans 12:2 says: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
I want to leave you with another verse that clearly describes the regenerative work that Jesus Christ does for all those that place their faith in Him. It is from 2 Corinthians 5:17 and it says: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new.” I am beginning to see that unpacking the Lord’s work in my life will take a lifetime, and even eternity, to fully appreciate. But I am so grateful for what the Lord has already shown me. His care and saving mercy is more than I could have ever dreamed.
If you are reading my story and have never cried out to the Lord in repentance I would strongly encourage you to begin your journey with the Lord right now. He already knows your thoughts and your past. Why not open up to Him and admit your need and hopelessness? Nothing catches the Lord by surprise and He is the only One with the true solution for your pain, selfishness, and sin. I would also highly encourage you to spend time reading the Bible. It is God’s written word and its truthfulness is applicable to all generations. If you genuinely spend time reading, asking the Lord to speak to you and to convict you, I believe He will answer!
